


Swan Song

by orphan_account



Category: Orphan Black (TV)
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-07-24
Updated: 2013-07-24
Packaged: 2017-12-21 05:54:04
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 607
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/896597
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Helena's final thoughts.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Swan Song

**Author's Note:**

> Show: Orphan Black  
> A/N: It is in first-person narrative of Helena's mind. I wanted to play on the paradox of her character. One half is this religious crusader who is able to read bible text and and therefore has certain clarity to her thought. The other side of her is animal-like, unruly, passionate, and childish. The parenthesis represent this side of her.

The light has left me.  
It leaked through the circular hole in my chest like blood; it expelled from within like my last breath, never to be drawn in again. At the time, I had thought it was my first glimpse into Heaven like the flicker of lights before settling on constancy. I was ready-my heart felt heavy, my skin itched, and my muscles ached- I yearned for eternal peace with the entirety of my being. It had seemed fitting to me that my last moment on Earth would be spent in agony ( _sarahsarahsarahsarah why_ ) and Tomas' words rang in my ears: It's always darkest before the dawn. Therefore, I welcomed the pain as I always have, expecting to be swallowed up in the feeling and then guided to Heaven.

Nothing happened.  
( _tomas lied and i am alone it is dark and i am alone i feel cold and i am alone_ ). Eventually, sensation began to dim altogether, one by one- the bite of the bullet numbed, the harsh fluorescent lights above faded, the desperation in my heart and lungs eased- until all remained was my hearing which lasted for another five minutes. In that time, I heard Sarah pant and rest beside Amelia ( _demon beast_ ). I heard her fumble for her phone and ask someone to promise her that Kira ( _angel_ ) would never have to live like this. I wanted her beside me (please hold me hold me please) so that I could see her one last time. ( _dont leave me_ ). I wanted to tell her ( _i love you_ ) that I forgive her. She wept for Amelia ( _weep for me_ ).

Darkness is closing in.  
Slowly, it creeps from the corners of my vision, creating a circular tunnel of light. A window into the world I would never see again. I have no way of knowing what will happen when everything is dark ( _i am scared_ ) and I suppose this is how it should be. I wonder if this is how the others felt ( _poor sheep_ ) as they expired. Where did they go after death? Heaven, Hell, or somewhere in-between? Are they together? If I am no different than they are, will I go there too? I would like to see them again ( _i miss them_ ). Perhaps I wouldn't need to go to Heaven.

My universe exists within the spotlight of my vision.  
Everything else has faded. I feel my existence ebb away like the tide to leave the world clean like washed sand. Suddenly I see Sarah crouching over me ( _sestra_ ) and I feel as if the shock could have restarted my heart. I don't know how long she's been here ( _you came_ ) and I don't know how long she'll stay ( _you care)_ but I'm glad she's here. Her face fits within the hole of my vision so that I can't see anything else. Her eyes are sad, not angry as they had been, and she looks down at me contemplatively. ( _i love you_ ). Her lips move but the words only reach me minutes later. Numbly, I feel her fingertips on my cheek ( _hold me_ ) and she caresses it for a moment. I wish I could express all that I feel ( _forgive_ _me_ ) when her fingers move. They touch my eyelids. I have no breath to hitch and no blood to blush but, even so, I feel ( _connected_ ) united with ( _my twin_ ) Sarah again ( _forever_ ). Her fingertips move slowly, pulling my eyelids down like drapes.

The window closes, the light deadens, and darkness reins.  
My consciousness seeps away, scattering like fragmented light before disappearing altogether. In the darkness, I hear Sarah's final words.

"Rest in peace."


End file.
